By Joel Nethery
Five. That’s the number of games I got right last week. It was a bad week and one that I would soon like to forget. But at least my week was better than Terrell Owens’. I survived and I am now 56-47 on the year. Now I’m ready for another week. Just like the McRib, I’m back again. As always, my picks are in caps.
INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (+9.5) at Tennessee Titans
The Colts might be bad, but Matthew (he prefers Matthew to Matt, you know) Hasselbeck is no Drew Brees and we won’t be seeing a repeat of last week’s 62-7 beat down.
NEW ORLEANS SAINTS (-10.5) at St. Louis Rams
St. Louis quarterback Sam Bradford is still in a walking boot and looks to be doubtful for their game against the Saints. If he doesn’t play, the Saints should have no trouble with the 0-6 Rams. Even if Bradford does play, they’re in trouble. And they might want to make sure that the hotel the Saints are staying at has plenty of beefy mac ready for Drew Brees. They do not want to make the same mistake as the Colts.
Miami Dolphins at NEW YORK GIANTS (-9.5)
J.P. Losman could be playing for the Dolphins this week. J.P. Losman.
Minnesota Vikings at CAROLINA PANTHERS (-3.5)
Cam Newton and the rest of the Panthers don’t disappoint when they are favored. But they may want to be a bit more careful this week. The Vikings like to play dirty.
Arizona Cardinals at BALTIMORE RAVENS (-12.5)
Joe Flacco was so bad on Monday night that the Raiders offered the Ravens two number one picks for him. Even so, Kevin Kolb is worse.
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS (+9.5) at Houston Texans
The Texan may be getting Andre Johnson back this week as he returned to practice on Wednesday. But hamstring injuries tend to linger, so he may not be at full strength. With how good the Jacksonville defense has been lately, I don’t see the Texans winning by 10. And now that the Blaine Gabbert got his first NFL win, do you think he’ll finally cut his hair? Probably not, considering it has it’s own Facebook page.
Washington Redskins at BUFFALO BILLS (-5.5)
Last week was a tough week for the Redskins. They found out Chris Cooley’s injury will end his season, Tim Hightower will miss the rest of the season with his torn ACL, and Santana Moss will miss 5-7 weeks with a broken hand. The rested Buffalo Bills should have no issue with the Redskins.
DETROIT LIONS (-3.5) at Denver Broncos
If you don’t live in Denver or you are not a fan of the Broncos, you are probably tired of all the talk about a certain quarterback. From here on, that quarterback will be referred to as “The Quarterback Who Shall Not Be Named.” There has already been plenty written on him, I refuse to contribute. However, I might be okay with him if this catches on.
Cincinnati Bengals at SEATTLE SEAHAWKS (+2.5)
This will be a battle of two sneaky-good defenses. If Tarvaris Jackson starts, I’d be happy to take the Seahawks and the points at home. “If Tarvaris Jackson starts.” Never thought I’d write that. It is really sad when a team is hoping that Tarvaris Jackson is healthy enough to start for them.
San Francisco has proved that they can beat teams by a lot of points with Seattle and Tampa Bay earlier in the year. They’re going to be ready to do it again this week and it’s all because of MC Hammer.
New England Patriots at PITTSBURGH STEELERS (+2.5)
Tom Brady is 6-1 against the Steelers and he hasn’t lost to them since Ben Roethlisberger’s rookie season. And if you’re one that likes bye week stats, the Patriots haven’t lost coming out of their bye week since 2002. So there’s that. Also, you know who didn’t have a bad week last week? Rob Gronkowski.
DALLAS COWBOYS (+3.5) at Philadelphia Eagles
It’s about time to take another ride on the Romo-coaster. The Eagles may have the talent on defense to contain Miles Austin and Dez Bryant, but now they need to keep an eye on DeMarco Murray as well. The Cowboys might be the most talented team in the NFC East.
San Diego Chargers at KANSAS CITY CHIEFS (+3.5)
The Chiefs are an interesting team. They start off the season 0-2, losing their best player on defense, Eric Berry, and their best player on offense, Jamaal Charles. Then, coach Todd Haley brought the Chiefs locker room together with some good ol’ cornholing. That is, everyone except Buster. And then everything turned around. And now, Haley isn’t going to shave until his team loses. Something strange is going in in Kansas City and I’m buying in.