By Cate Foster

Hi Cate,

The holidays are always a struggle for me. On one hand, I love being able to relax and hang out with family members and friends. But on the other, I feel stressed at the idea that I’m forced to buy everybody an arbitrary gift. If I don’t get one, or don’t spend enough money, then I’m looked at as if I don’t care, or that my friends/family aren’t important to me. In recent years it’s become such a stress point in my life that I’ve seriously considered not attending holiday festivities. Others, especially my mom, would not approve, and I don’t want to hurt their feelings. What do I do?

-Maxed Out on X-mas Stress

Dear Maxed Out,

Know that you are not alone in feeling this way. It is not uncommon to feel the pressure to find your loved ones just the right gift during the holidays. But they are your loved ones, and they know that a student’s finances are limited, even in the best of economic times. Don’t let the stress over gift giving get in the way of enjoying this time with your family…after all, that’s what is special about this time.

This may be the mom in me coming out, but homemade gifts are always welcomed, and always treasured. And that doesn’t just pertain to the plaster handprint you made in kindergarten. If you feel strongly about giving gifts, use your talents to do so. Are you a musician? Write a song. An artist? Paint a picture. Write a poem, knit a scarf, or bake some cookies. A gift given from the heart means far more than any dollar amount, and will be remembered far longer than any “arbitrary” gift. And if anyone complains that you have not spent enough money on their present (or perhaps no money at all), politely tell them that as a student with limited funds, you understand the value of sharing memories rather than merchandise.

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Hi Cate,

Last weekend I went clubbing with some friends. At one spot I saw my best friend’s boyfriend. He was making out with another girl. My friend wasn’t there, so she didn’t see him. Should I tell her? Or should I stay out of it? I don’t want to be caught in the middle.

-Confused about Telling

Dear Confused,

Think of it this way: if your friend saw your boyfriend kissing someone else, wouldn’t you want to know? Whether this was a one-time dalliance on the part of the boyfriend, or a full-fledged secret affair, your friend should know about it and have the opportunity to ask her boyfriend what’s going on.

Tell your friend in person. Some things may be easier over the phone or via e-mail, but common courtesy, as well as friendship, dictate that this conversation be done face-to-face. Tell her gently, and don’t exaggerate. Don’t add unnecessary details. Your friend really doesn’t need to hear how pretty this other girl was.

And as for being caught in the middle, unless her boyfriend is also a friend of yours, or your brother, you will not be in the middle. Friends get involved in each others’ lives. And best friends look out for one another, even in difficult times.

Have a problem? Need help? Then ask Cate!
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